“Comfort” a psychological trap?
04/12/2017

Rest in peace of mind

In recent years, there has been a global baby-boom. Celebrities such as Natalia Vodyanova, Heidi Klum, Victoria Beckham and Lena Perminova have three, four and sometimes even up to five children. On Instagram they continuously upload photos of themselves and their kids on vacation, enjoying the sunshine and building sand castles on the beach. Women are inspired by photos of beautiful babies on family holidays. Mothers believe that this is the only way that you can spend your holiday. Meanwhile, it doesn’t occur to the reader that behind the scenes there is an army of nannies, governesses and sometimes even a private jet ready to take the children back home as soon as the photo shoot is over. Instead the sisterhood is now trapped in the belief that they should ‘vacation with their children’.

Although, in my opinion, the words ‘vacation’ and ‘children’ are a contradiction in terms. Vacation and ‘vacation’ with children are two completely different activities. If you want to relax, you must go WITHOUT CHILDREN. Alternatively, plan an additional vacation without children, after the ‘vacation’ with your whole family. It’s not easy, but how can a normal mother leave her children and go overseas? She can’t, what kind of mother would she be? How scandalous, to rest and enjoy life, having abandoned your kids to their fate! Yes! Yes! It’s a scientifically proven fact that not only children cling to their mothers but that mothers can also be reluctant to break away from their children, even once they’ve grown up! The problem is quite serious but fortunately not without hope.

Ladies, you need to understand that these thoughts about motherhood are mostly stereotypes. You can and should rest! In so doing you will be providing your children with a refreshed and relaxed mother. First things first, work out which maternal stereotypes you think you identify with. Separate yourself from them and develop your own ideas and rules about your role as a mother and the purpose of a vacation. The task is monumental but achievable. There are women who cannot sit still and consider it shameful to rest. Time to face the truth! Your need to rest is not your personal business alone. It is your duty to your family and in particular to your children to look after yourself. Resting is not the same as being lazy. Resting is in fact work, it’s the work you do to restore your strength and energy!

Yes, yes, sometimes we just need to lie on the sand with a glass of champagne. You can, with your loved one. It’s not always about digging trenches and building fortresses, so to speak. Just lie down, with your eyes closed. This is perfectly acceptable. This only works if you can do it without feeling paranoid and guilty about it. By paranoia I include the following behaviours: Calling the grandmother, nanny or husband three times a day with questions like, ‘did they eat?’, ‘how are they?’ and ‘how do they feel?’ Obsessively looking at photos of your children on your phone. Running through lists in your head that are entitled ‘Did I warn them about…?’ Constantly looking at other children walking along the beach and envying moms who can kiss and touch their children right now.

Believe me, these mothers are not as happy as they seem for the remaining 22 out of every 24 hours. Additionally, spending time alone without children has one remarkable side effect. While away on vacation you will come to realise, what a really cool mother you are and what lovely children you have. From a distance they seem to perfect! You will return home rejuvenated, cheerful and a much more nurturing parent. A vacation without children will improve you in all of these ways and more. Bear in mind that one day in the future your children will have their revenge. As adults they will not take you on vacation with them!